ADOPTIVE PARENTS

“I feel really lost. I thought attaching to my child would be easy. But she just rejects every attempt that I make to connect with her. Am I doing something wrong or was this just doomed to begin with? Can’t she see that I love her?”

“My child is so angry. She comes home from school and it’s like there is a dark cloud surrounding her. She won’t open up but I can tell that something is simmering inside. What should I do?”

“I feel as though it is important for my child to know his heritage. But where is the happy medium? I want him to fit into our world but I know that he has a cultural tie to his motherland. How much is too much?

“When is an appropriate time for my child to start looking for her birth family? She says she wants to begin the search but she is so young. Am I supposed to take the reins or am I disrespecting her roots by not allowing the search at the time that she requests?”

“My son came home today and asked why his birth mother gave him up for adoption. He said that kids at school told him that she had no money to buy him toys so that he had to come live with another family who could buy him toys. I didn’t think these questions would start so early… what information do I give him and how will I know when to give him more?”

ADOPTED CHILDREN

“Did my mom buy me because she wanted a baby and couldn’t have her own?”

“The other kids ask me who my real brother and sister are. I don’t know what they mean. I have a brother and sister and I live with them everyday. It makes me mad when kids ask me stupid questions like that”

“I don’t like how I look. Kids make fun of me because I look different. Why don’t I look like everyone else?”

“I just get so angry. And I can’t control it. I just don’t know how I feel I just know it feels bad inside.”

ADOPTED ADOLESCENTS

“I don’t feel like I belong to anyone. I know I have an adoptive family and I know somewhere I have a birth family. But who am I? Why don’t I feel whole on my own?”

“I cry a lot. I’m angry a lot. Everyone tells me that I should be grateful because I’m one of the lucky ones who found a good family. I get that I am lucky. But it also makes me mad because I’m just me. Lucky or unlucky… isn’t ok to just have questions and to feel how I feel?”

“I am really starting to wonder what my birth mother looks like. I really want to see someone who looks like me. But I feel bad because I don’t want to hurt my adoptive mom’s feelings. It’s like I always feel torn between protecting the family I have and trying to express my curiosity about my birth heritage.”

“It’s really hard because I have no information on my family. Some adopted kids I know have records or know where they were born. I am bi-racial and I don’t even know exactly what ethnicity I am. It is so confusing because I don’t feel like I have a group to identify with. I always feel like an outsider and it’s really embarrassing.”

“I have a sister who is the biological daughter of my adoptive parents. Do you know how hard that is sometimes? She looks like them and sometimes I think they love her more because she is more of a reflection of them than I am.”

ADOPTED ADULTS

“I felt really strongly that I wanted to have a biological child of my own. The moment where I held my baby in my arms for the first time I was in complete awe. It was the first time in my life that I had the opportunity to have a relationship with another human being that I was biologically tied to. It brought all of these emotions up in me and now I must sort through them.”

“The older I get the more compassion I have for my birth parents. At the same time I struggle with the knowledge that I may never meet them. And I’m just not sure how I feel about that. There is little closure in it and I would like to come to peace with the idea of never knowing.”

“I did not have good relationship with my adoptive family. I am really confused about my place in the world now. I don’t think biological kids understand the oddity of having two families, one of which you know nothing about. I want to continue to searching but while I do I can’t help thinking that I have no family right now.”

“One thing I would tell adoptive parents to do for their adopted children is just let them think what they think and feel what they feel. Kids will try to protect their parents from hurtful emotions but it doesn’t allow the kid to explore his own identity.”

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